Grading Learning Community papers

There are no classes today because of the Thanksgiving holiday. I got to sleep in a half hour this morning and wake up slowly with the kids. I gave them breakfast and then played Nintendo with Nathan a little before taking Nate and Ellie over to Mom's house so I could grade papers. I have the house to myself and have iTunes on. I should be good to go for paper-grading.

The problem is I am still letting someone's comment from yesterday get to me. A student said the Learning Community students feel they haven't learned to write because I haven't taught them to write. I could let loose a huge diatribe here about pedagogy and what it means to be "taught to write" these days, but I feel like that would accomplish very little. It would only make me feel more self-righteous and angry.

Instead, I'm looking at the stack of student papers I have to grade. I can honestly say there has been visible improvement in the writing of 9/17 students who remain in the class. Of those 9 students whose drafts have substantially grown over the semester, I notice some trends. The first is that the most successful of those students come prepared for first draft days and then heed the comments left for them during the peer review day (including the ones I leave). The other trend I see is the students who have changed their writing styles and upped the level of critical thinking in their papers were also prepared for the mid-term conference and talked honestly to me about their writing at that time.

Of the 8 who remain in the class but have not had the same success, I just plain ole don't know about 1-3 of them because they keep failing to turn something in. There can't be any improvement in the writing if the writing is not happening. I understand writer's block. I understand shutting down when things get too stressful. But, honestly, I cannot do anything for a student in that situation unless the student decides for herself that she is going to make a change and try to do something about it. And I cannot help at all if the student continues to spin her wheels in isolation. If nothing else, the value of the Learning Community should be that there are two teachers. If the student is unwilling to talk to me about it, then why haven't they gone to Denise for extra help? There are so many different ways to get help. If the student hasn't sought help and continues to blame others for the lack of productive homework, then, well...I'm actually speechless here. I don't know what.

The other students (the ones who have been turning things in but do not see the grades going up)-- well, I can make a reasonable guess here. My guess is that in the past they were provided with step-by-step instructions about how to write. Writing consisted of so many paragraphs, and word count was more important than what those words said. Points were deducted for so many comma splices and run-ons. Teachers put marks on the papers; the students tried to decipher the marks and "fix" them and then turned in a final draft, again with more emphasis on the surface of the writing than the text itself. Students used to that approach will find me frustrating because I refuse (flat out refuse) to believe that writing is a step-by-step formula to greatness. In fact, I think that is often a step-by-step to mediocrity. And I will not settle for mediocrity.

That is also why the A paper I just graded actually has more marks on it than a D paper might. Every paper, I read it for what it is and for what it could be. I think students are here to improve beyond what they are to evolve into what they could be. If that makes me a frustrating teacher, then so be it. I believe that is the path to genuine learning. If you want to rip me apart in teacher evaluations or even go complain to the department chair, fine. But you know what? At the end of the day, I know I am doing what I am supposed to be doing to make my students stronger writers who question what should go on the page instead of merely following directions.

And now, hopefully with that off my chest, I can go grade the remainder of the papers.

Thank God for the 11:00 class

I'm going to miss my 11:00 005 class when this semester is over. They really do make my day every Tuesday and Thursday. The students in the class seem to look forward to being there. I enjoy seeing them and hearing what they have to say. They are genuinely involved in learning. And they have fun. We joke around while getting the learning done too.

I'm glad it's an 005 class because that means I may have the opportunity to have some of them in class again as they go on to take 101 and 102.

This 005 class may be part of the reason I am so disappointed with the writing in the 101 class. These Basic Writing students are writing much better than my 101 students right now. I haven't told some of them yet, but I am positive a number of the students from this class will receive the proficiency rating and will be eligible to skip over taking the 006 class. I can't wait to tell them that they earned it.

So...if any of you happen to read this, thank you. Your participation and enjoyment has really helped me this semester, and I feel honored if I have been able to help you.

the 13th week, and I'm sick

This is the 13th week of classes. There are 16 weeks in the semester, plus the week of finals.

It truly amazes me how few students realize how little time there is left. These are the students who just let classes happen to them. These are also the students who (once they realize how little time there is left and what their grades currently are) expect me to be available for them 24/7 when they haven't been doing what they were supposed to be doing all semester long. I want to look at these students and say, "You do realize there are only 3 weeks left in the semester, right? What do you expect to accomplish in those three weeks that you haven't accomplished in 13? And why do you expect me to be supplying you with a lifeline? Shouldn't you be the one doing all the effort here?" At the same time, any effort that someone can exert should be exerted....but it ought to be student effort, not teacher effort.

It's just that I have no more energy to give to the students. I am sick. I have the kind of cough that keeps going until something is coughed up, and the more I talk, the more something somewhere decides it needs to be coughed up. So I am a coughing, wheezing, head-achy mess. But I am here. I am here so the 005 students can have every possible moment to work on their portfolios before turning them in and I am here so the 102 students can have feedback on their research paper progress. I may cough up a lung while I am giving the feedback, but I am here.

And that is why I am especially crabby about the 13th week of classes. Despite feeling horrible, I still come to work to do my job. I don't just hole up somewhere and pretend the world doesn't exist and then expect to pick up precisely where I left off as if my absence really did stop the world for a moment. Some students seem to think it actually works that way. And then they expect me to do the work of catching them up for them. Where does this come from? Did their high school teachers do this? Do their mothers do this for them? Whose life honestly works that way?

When I'm sick and recuperating in bed, it means I get up to twice the laundry and the dishes and the kids feeling especially needy or the stack of papers to grade is twice as high or whatever. That work doesn't just go away. I don't just buy more towels or underwear or paper plates and hand the kids over to someone else for a week. Granted, the kids have gone two days without baths, but hey, they are fed and in clean clothes, so who's going to notice the linty line in the crease in their necks, right?

I just really hope the 11:00 and 2:00 classes have their homework done today. That's all I'm asking for. I'm here to teach. Just please come prepared, so I don't feel like I am dragging my half-dead body here for no reason at all. If the students are not here to learn, then what do they honestly expect from me?

Erasure Revisited

This is another post about Erasure by Percival Everett. Previous post on this book done on June 30th.



I find this book fascinating for what it says about publishing and academia. It exposes all sorts of hypocrisy and I love it for that. I'm a little conflicted though because all of the in jokes and references to other texts show that I am all too aware of this other world that he is writing about. I cannot congratulate myself too much on it because it means that I am part of it then. This understanding comes with responsibility. I just reread "White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Backpack" (a great article my office mate suggested. available on-line by googling it) and I think that the rereading of that article partnered with the revisiting of Erasure is making me dwell on aspects I had not picked up on to begin with. Plus, something Denise said has me looking at it again too. She observed that Monk/Everett does not identify characters by race. Very interesting.

So here I am thinking out loud on the blog about the book. This is free form reflection that may or may not make sense, but is an example of my trying to make sense of something I have not yet formalized in words.

Denise and I talked at length about a week ago about the paper that Monk presents at the conference and whether or not it is meant to be understood. On first read, I just kind of glanced at it to see what it was but didn't really read it. I had the thought that it was part of the whole Structural movement I was forced to learn about in a Literary Criticism class but never really fully understood. I knew for sure that the instructor teaching that class didn't really understand it either. Denise and I talked about how we didn't really expect students to get it but thought we should give them something to show that it is real and that this comes from somewhere. I now see that paper as an important part of the whole book though its importance is difficult to understand.

It all rests on the idea that there is something being represented. As soon as something gets represented, it gets associated with the representation while at the same time cannot be the same as the symbol because the symbol is just a symbol. In the case of Monk's paper, he is explaining (or at least I think he's explaining) about that symbol and the thing the symbol represents and says that the key to it all and what makes it really interesting is the slash between them. While I don't entirely get all of that paper and all of the stuff that Sausseure and all the people associated with the stuff I didn't get as an undergrad, I do think there is a level of all of that going on in the book with the different angles of the book.

For instance, in the beginning of the book, Monk says he's the type of person to say Egads. When he is in his Lee alter ego, he also says Egads, which suggests that that alter ego cannot entirely be an alter ego; there are bits of himself that come through. When he's talking to his publisher (before My Pafology) about how he cannot get published, he is told to write something like My Second Failure. That book was his biggest commercial success but he said he hated writing it and said it was about how a character didn't understand why his lighter skinned mother was ostracized by the black community, so he went and killed a bunch of people. How is that so different from My Pafology? Isn't it just an upscale hoity toity version of the same book he later writes and hates? The layering in this book is unreal! You have Native Son retold in My Pafology while the frame story is essentially a more modern version of Invisible Man. I know Monk is not as underground as the protagonist in Invisible Man, but academics and obscure authors, I am sure, feel the types of things the Invisible Man protagonist writes about. Ok, so we have the layers in the actual fiction. Frame story mimics Invisible Man. Novel within the novel mimics Native Son. The novel within the novel also mimics another novel the narrator has written, one that is barely mentioned. All of this representation is explained (kind of) in the paper the narrator presents at a conference but the paper isn't understood. All of this mess (all of the racism in the book and real life) is talked about and talked about and is talked of by people living it, by people outside of it and it is just all talked around and about and upside down, but is it ever understood???

The irony of it all is this is fodder for a paper that could be presented at a conference. But who would be there to hear the paper? A bunch of tenure-seeking people who also write obscure papers to prove that they are academic enough to teach classes that half the time get taught by grad assistants so the "real" teacher can pursue his research. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I appreciate my tenure-track position at a community college, where if I want to take a class or write a paper, it is because I want to and not because I have to. Of course, it wouldn't bother me at all to have a grad assistant help me with the grading... : ) But then, I don't have lecture hall class sizes. And a portion of the closed classes always disappears around mid-term, so that my 20-25 students dwindle down to 12-18 students in the end. Again, community college wins from a teaching perspective! Teachers here are encouraged to experiment with their classes and to do faculty development that filters into how they teach their classes.

I'm building steam to write a longer post about academia that I don't really feel like writing right now. Perhaps another day.

My t.v. habits

Ok, not that I think anyone cares, but for some reason I feel the need to clog cyberspace with my thoughts on what's on t.v. this Fall.

Thursday nights
I used to love Thursday night t.v. I remember watching The Cosby Show when I was younger and then Friends and other shows when I was in high school and college. When Kevin and I were newly married, we would cook an easy newlywed dinner (i.e. frozen pizza, toasted ravioli and the like) and camp out in front of the t.v. together to watch Survivor and then CSI and even, dare I say it?, Gilmore Girls back when it was on Thursdays. This year, we have made the decision to just say no to Thursday night t.v. Well, Survivor lost its appeal to me long, long ago. CSI used to be one of my favorite shows, back when it cleverly referred to Sherlock Holmes mysteries and led viewers to actually care who did the crime. Now, it just gets more far-fetched with every year and the people who commit the crimes are just nasty psychopaths or people with really ridiculous motives...so Kevin and I are saying "Goodbye" to Thursday night t.v....which is just fine since Monday night has taken over as the night for us to vedge out together to watch shows we're both interested in.

Finally, a reason to like Mondays!
We've been hooked on Heroes since it started last year. I admit it; we wanted to know how saving the cheerleader would save the world. Really, I think we both watch it because we love Hiro. I like it because it makes me try to guess what will happen next. I don't want to just mindlessly watch a t.v. show. I enjoy overanalyzing it. And I love that the Heroes website puts a new graphic novel up every week to supplement what happened in the show. I am just geeky enough to go to it every Tuesday to read it while I eat lunch. The strangest thing about Heroes is that I constantly mutter to myself that it was mildly disappointing that they didn't show more or reveal more, but it is that same quality that keeps me coming back for more every week.

Over the summer, I got hooked on How I Met Your Mother. This show reminds me of my college friends. It doesn't remind me of any specific friends, but just the kind of weird inside jokes and conversations about things that were really meaningless but also not meaningless. The way they would say, "wait for it" was like the stupid little way any word ending in "er" could be made fun of with the rejoinder, "____-er? I barely even know 'er," but I digress. The show was one I enjoyed but could live without. It has since been replaced by....wait for it....

Chuck
I love this show. What's somewhat funny (not laugh-out-loud funny, admittedly) is that everyone who knew about this show would tell my husband he should watch it. Kevin is a computer technician and he pretty much conforms to the computer technician stereotypes. Until a month ago, he had the same haircut he had worn, well, since forever, really. He wears khakis or colored khakis every workday. He's constantly attached to his phone which is also a PDA. So, we both take great joy in really liking Chuck. Kevin thinks he could be Chuck. Kev's also really surprised that I like Chuck maybe even more than he does.

Some concerns with the show though...I could live without the gratuitous weiner girl fight each week, but I also find it funny. It reminds me of how Alias used to construct the most implausible situations for Sydney to fight in. I think as long as a show is somewhat making fun of themselves as they do it, it will remain cool, but as soon as they lose sight of that self-deprecating level, it becomes absolute nonsense.

And that reminds me of another reason I love Chuck: John Casey. I had no clue one of the agents from The Matrix could be so funny. I also have no clue when I'm going to stop inserting "Mr. Anderson" after pauses in the actor's speech. We shall see. I still have trouble refraining from adding "Dude" to whatever Keanu Reeves says. John Casey is this NSA guy who is supposed to be watching and protecting Chuck, a guy who has this super-confidential computer program installed in his brain. John Casey is the kind of guy who takes his work way too seriously and that's why he's so funny. Last episode, he tried to make a joke. And it wasn't even that funny, but when he laughed at his own joke, I couldn't stop laughing! I'm laughing at it right now even. Which makes Kevin laugh at me.

This November will mark our 8th anniversary. We only watch shows that we will watch together. If the other one doesn't really get into it, it doesn't become a priority...but the ones that are priorities get taped and watched after the kids go to bed. Come to think of it, the tape that we have been taping everything on has been in use since we would tape West Wing and watch it that way so we could rewind and figure out what it was the characters had actually said....and we stopped watching West Wing ages ago. I can't believe the tape has lasted that long. Many people have tried to convince us to get TiVo or even to get cable, but as geeky as we are, we're even more cheap. Why pay for those things when the VCR works just fine? Why pay for cable when it would only make us watch more useless television? As it is, we can find ourselves too easily distracted by the unintentionally funny drama of America's Next Top Model or Beauty and the Geek. I can't believe that I just admitted I may actually watch those shows from time to time...

Just venting

I have no idea what my brain has been doing while I've been sleeping, but I've woken up with songs stuck in my head the last few days and also have snippets of dream imagery pop up as I go about my day. I have had "Larry Boy" from a Vegggietales show stuck in my head all morning. It was "Love Hurts" by Nazareth all day yesterday. There's something cathartic about knowing I may have gotten one of those songs stuck in someone else's head just by mentioning them...of course, it hasn't helped to get the song out of mine yet... : (

The Progress of my classes so far this semester:
Mid-term is as likely a time as any other to pause to think about how things are going. It's interesting that the one class that I will not be teaching in Spring 2008 is the one that I am most happy with at the moment.
ENG 005: Basic Writing
My 005 classes have really surprised me this semester. I think I'm at the usual drop-rate by now, but the ones who remain are stronger than in past semesters. There are many who already strike me as students who will skip over 006 and we've only written 2 papers. It makes me excited to think of what they'll do in the remaining two papers. The students who are not succeeding at the moment also seem to admit that it is their own fault that they haven't progressed as much as they or I would like them to. I wish all students had their maturity level.
ENG 101: Learning Community Rhet. Comp I
I'm sad to say Denise and I felt the need to do a mini-intervention yesterday. I think there was a lot of frustration all around. I was really sad and cranky after the first final papers came in. They averaged below a C+, and that was with Denise saying I had been generous in some of the grades. It seems like we have a number of students who are A-/B+ writers who did not "bring it" in the first batch of graded essays. That really confused me because their first drafts looked strong, but then the revision that was needed didn't get done or strange decisions were made during the revision process. There don't seem to be any students right in the middle either. It seems like the grades fell into the B+ or D categories. That means there's a whole group of students who are learning in the classes, but it's not showing in college-level writing yet. And that scares me!

So, we surveyed students to find out how much work they are putting into the classes. A little under half of them admitted to spending under 3 hours a week on preparing for the two classes! 3 hours a week is what students should spend on one college course alone, minimum! No wonder I was disappointed with the papers. I spent at least 6 hours grading the 17 papers that were turned in. And that reminds me-- the vibe I got from Sue McClure (our intervention facilitator) was that for the students to put more effort into the homework, we're probably going to have to grade more of it on a regular basis. Oh, how I do not want to do that. I hate book-keeping. Hate hate hate it. For several reasons. First, it cuts into time for what I consider to be my real work: offering useful comments on writing and preparing lessons. Second, it just seems so high school-ish. Or even junior high-ish. In the real world, people are not going to micromanage every little task you are assigned. And I don't want to either. Another important reason is that it often makes the work seem even more like busywork. It turns learning into a performance and a task-list instead of an intuitive instrinsic thing and I HATE that. Loathe it even more than I loathe the paperwork portion of it. Want to smash thinking like that into a little pulp. A student wrote me to say she was "working her ass off" to complete assignments for the class. I feel the same way about preparing for this class and integrating it with the other one and then to add to that micromanaging 18 students' blogs and daily work to verify that they are doing what we just want them to do anyway so they can learn more effectively and fully. There's got to be a better way.

ENG 102: Rhet Comp II...i.e. the research class
It's amazing what night and day 101 and 102 are, despite there being only a semester's difference between the two classes. In 101, some allowance has to be made for the fact that this is likely many of the students' first college semester, and that results in rules and regulations and homework grading (see above). In 102, they have more of a "been there. done that" aura. I completely relax with my 2:00 102 class. They tell me what they need. They ask the questions they need to ask. I just kind of guide them here or there. If they do the work or don't do the work, they accept the consequences and we move on. I keep harping on them to read the textbook assignments. My only worry is that I have a strong sneaking suspicion that some of them are not reading it and are going to turn in a formulaic standard research paper and wonder what went wrong with their grade at the end of it all. I need to write an assignment sheet with guidelines on it. Whenever I hear the word "guidelines," I think of "parlay" (spelling??) from Pirates of the Caribbean.

Anyway...on to the on-line course. Apart from being swamped in electronic paperwork for that class, I am really pleased with the class overall. I can't believe the community and comraderie this class has established on-line. Though they are all on their own individual projects at the moment, they still offer feedback for one another in a courteous, genuine way. And most of them seem to be following their interests...which makes for better research papers in the end. I'm not on the mean satisfied with their second projects, so I think I need to be more directive with those next semester, but I think they learned valuable lessons about the need for focus and planning and the like before moving on to their next paper.

Wrapping this post up...
I have conferences with 005 students restarting in 40 minutes, so I am going to close this out, listen to something to purge my brain of the song that is still in it, finish my Dr. Pepper and use the bathroom and try to accomplish one of the assignment sheets I referred to in this post. But I feel better after venting.

Sample Blog for 102 classes: Title of source would go here

Source publication info would go here: Author's last name, first name. "Article title." Magazine title Publication date: page #s. If not PDF full-text, EBSCO info would follow. Long story short, do some bibliographic info and use your handbook to know for sure what to place here.

PART ONE: NOTES AND QUOTES
In this section, I would provide an overall summary of what this source had to say.

I also recommend putting in any commentary that will help you distinguish this source from the many others you will read while researching. (Highly readable, a little obscure, good info for this point I want to make in the later part of my paper, etc. etc.)

Direct quotes from the article that are very good. Make sure to put " " around them. It is best to copy and paste them directly from an electronic source whenever possible, so you do not mistype something. For overkill, you could put the words "direct quote" or DQ behind it as well.

Paraphrases. In addition to direct quotes, give serious consideration to paraphrasing what was said in portions of the article as well. Make sure you put it IN YOUR OWN WORDS and do not borrow the original phrasing. Put the word "paraphrase" or some abbreviation for it behind it to indicate that it is not the original wording. These types of notes record what was said or the gist of what was said when the wording is not particularly interesting to begin with.

PART TWO: REFLECTIONS
In this section, write about what the source made you think about your topic. In this section, you may choose to write about what you thought about the source specifically, but branching out into what you now think about your topic helps tremendously too. Having full reflections in your blog will help you when you go to write your first draft later on.

It should be noted, however, that the reflections should also pertain to your topic. Keep your focusing question in the back of your mind. The reflections should help answer that question in some way.

How the Garcia Girls Lost Their Accents

Whew. I have finished reading all of the LC Book Club books. This one was just a reread.

Interesting timing for this reread because we're about to read "The Story of my Body" and I can see all kinds of overlap (Yolanda wanting to be strong and also being perceived as an exotic person in college years, Carla being ashamed of her hairy legs and such, Sandi admiring the flamenco dancers, all 4 girls being called "spic").

Upon my rereading, I wondered why Fifi had such a small role in the book. We don't really learn anything about her as a young child except what is mentioned in the other girls' sections in a casual way. Julia Alvarez has admitted that Yolanda is a sort of autobiographical character, so it is clear why so much of the book is about her. Carla was just sort of boring, which (sad to say since I too am the oldest) is kind of the role of the oldest child. Sandi was really interesting to me but not a whole lot was done with her adult character.

As a lit person, I like to examine the structure of a book. There is a chapter that doesn't seem to fit-- the one on Chucha, the nanny/cook. She gets to wrap up the part where the family leaves to go to New York. As an outside observer, she gives the most inciteful comment about the girls: they will forever be affected by the things that have formed them in their homeland whether or not they realize it. This is so true. The problems that Yo and Sandi have can be traced to specific times on the island. Carla's insecurities are traced to more general familial role problems but also her transition to becoming American. Fifi-- we don't have enough on her childhood to know if her issues stem from that time, but I can't help but think there is something up with the different codes of behavior allowed for men and women and that double standard of men being congratulated for the "macho" behavior of sowing wild oats and passing their name on to boys instead of girls and the like while the young women are to be protected and chaperoned and are not allowed to enjoy their sexuality unless they are belong to a toss-away social level and even then, they are supposed to enjoy it in a subservient way (from the part with Vic, the American).

How did we end up with sex in all four of the book club novels?
Frank in Catch Me If You Can was always chasing a new girl. Garcia Girls had far too many penis references. No Telephone to Heaven had disturbing sexual behavior. She's Not There had the safest, tamest sexual references and it is about getting a sex change!

The Learning Community is covering gender right now. While we've briefly talked about the double standard that happens with men and women and housework, we haven't done much with other double standards. I think they are really changing right now. When I was in college, there were much different "rules" for guys and girls. Now, not so much.

Anyway...to draw this back in to How the Garcia Girls Lost their Accents, there seems to be such a difference between real identity that the girls have on the inside and the identity they show to the world. The parts with the SIM showed what was said and unsaid with just body language. The part with Yolanda and Rudolf something something the third (my favorite section of the book) showed how conflicted she was and seemingly confused about which codes of behavior to follow and which to toss out. Interesting stuff, well, to me anyway.

No Telephone to Heaven

This is one of the Book Club selections for the Learning Community.



Gotta say-- I didn't particularly enjoy this book. I expected more than it was. The character development was really interesting, but the flow of the novel was just off to me. I don't like it when I don't know what the overall structure will be. I don't want predictability, but I do want to know if it will be about a different character or a different movement in the book or whatever. When it shifted to another part, I couldn't tell you why it shifted or who it was now about or even why I should care.



The most interesting character in the book was Harry/Harriet and he/she never got a section of her own. She/he did at least get to have his say more than once.



There is much to the book in terms of identity, race and gender (our themes for the class). Jamaica had much going on with different color lines. The fairer the skin, the more wealth and power. They had labels for the different gradations. Most of what was going on with Clare seemed to be because she felt guilty that she was fairer skinned than her mom and sister and she seemed to be mad at the fact that she could "pass." Like most people, Clare seems to think about things like our themes without realizing she's thinking about those things. It seems like she thinks around them. I think that's quite natural. It's not like people who are daydreaming all of a sudden say to themselves, "Ok, I'm going to think about my race right now and what impact that it has had on my life," but they might find themselves thinking about something else and it trails into the race area of thought without race being officially the target of the thought.

Interesting that this book has some overlap with She's Not There (transgendered character) and How the Garcia Girls Lost Their Accents. Ok, it's been a long time since I read the Garcia girls book, but I seem to remember it being divided into sections in the same way that No Telephone is. Of course, I wasn't bothered by the Garcia girls division the way I was this one. I think it was the poems and quotes in the beginning of each new section. (My apologies to Tony here...) "I'm not going to lie to you" I didn't get them. Half the time they were in a different language. The other half, they were obscure poetry. I suppose I would understand them more if it were my second time reading the book, but for a first read...Nope. Didn't get it.

The violence also got to me. Why was the Christopher chapter in the book where it was? Harry/Harriet said the thing that happened to him/her had no bearing on how he/she turned out, but did it? The part with Bobby brought home something I already knew about war: the soldiers who return need more than physical healing. There are mental/emotional scars that will be open for a long time, possibly forever.

That reminds me...the book isn't essentially a bad book. The author obviously has skill. It's just that the meaning of everything is unclear to a first-time reader. I think that some things should be discernible on a first read or who's going to read to the end? It's fine to have deeper meanings embedded in the text, but if there are no surface meanings and connections, then it's like wandering through an unfamiliar house in the dark. Sure, you know that's a couch and that is an end table, but what the heck is that weird freaky shadowy thing over there? Is it important? Is it not as weird as it appears right now? Who knows until the lights are turned on, you know?

This reveals another thing about me. Deep down...well, actually not that deep down....Anyway...I was going somewhere with this--- ah, yes. I was going to tell you or myself or whomever that I am not a poetry person. I have always valued prose far about poetry. It's because I don't like images coming at me here and there without background or explanation. That's really how I felt about this book. It's like poetry. It may even be good poetry, but the fact that it has complex images presented side by side with other complexities and leaves it all up to me wasn't enjoyable to me.

I'm curious to see what the Book Club people think about it.

Awakening

I just finished Kate Chopin's The Awakening.

Denise and I were talking the other day about how students might find non-fiction easier than fiction. I guess this is because it tends to be a little more straightforward and less picturesque. Of course, that's a huge overgeneralization. Anyway, back to Chopin. In one respect I think this book will be easier than others for students: there are moments where Chopin just comes out and says specifically what is going on with Edna in very quotable chunks. It seems like every other page has underlining in it in my book and I am a very picky underliner.

One thing I did not notice or take the time to notate in my first read(s) of the book was the use of two words: awakening and possession. These words are all over the place in the whole book but particularly in the last chapters.

That begs an interesting question about love and possession. Is to love and be loved a form of possession? We feel entitled to something when we love someone and they love us back, so I guess that would be a form of ownership. I got into a conversation with my mom about how some people are so hard to be around because they seem to think popularity and love are areas for competition. They have a need to be loved the most or more than someone else. I think Edna was the opposite of this. She loved very deeply but found that love took more from her than it gave. She was very sensitive to the level of sacrifice she had to attain to be around her loved ones. I do not question whether or not she loved her kids. She loved them but found it difficult to be around them because of all that she had to do for them out of that love and nurturing. It is difficult to love halfway.

Last summer, I was able to stay home with my kids full-time. Elizabeth was born in June. Nate was almost 3. I enjoyed watching Ellie grow from a sleepy infant to a cooing baby. I loved watching Nate grow and watching his mind work through things. I cuddled with them. I read to them. I watched Nathan run around. But by the end of the day when my husband came home, I had had enough. I not only needed adult conversation; I needed to have moments where I was not needed. This is the sticking point. This is what some fathers fail to understand and what a lot of pet-owners don't seem to get when they compare their pets to children. You cannot tell the kids, "Go away for two hours" or 'Take care of yourself for a couple of minutes so I can think about such and such issue fully instead of multi-tasking yet again." I found myself changing a diaper while talking on the phone and mentally planning dinner while keeping one eye and ear on a busy toddler. That's exhausting.

I think mothers also have a more physical connection with their children. For nine months, they knew my heartbeat as a constant sound. My kids come to me for snuggling and for comfort. When they want a hug or a comfy pillow, it is mommy they come running to. This is wonderful. But it too is draining. Last summer, when my husband would walk in the door, I would ask him, "Please hold them. Let me have half an hour where I do not hold a kid." It wasn't like I held them all day long, either. It was just that throughout the day, they would need me, and that need was such a physical need. I needed to recharge somehow, and that only seems to come from being away from them for a little bit.

In the book, that image of the sea seemed so appropriate. That ebb and flow of water under the sway of something so powerful and mysterious. I could see any love relationship as having that pull. There should be an equal balance there. Something giving but also taking, something taking but also giving. My children take some of my energy but they give it back to in the weirdest and sweetest of ways. Edna got to a point where she the kids were just a reminder of everything in her life that was always pulling, pulling. With that association made, it was hard to see them as anything else. That was particularly clear to me when she was with Adele Ratignolle as Adele gave birth. Edna could focus only on the pain and "torture." To miss the wonder of it all: that a little person is now in the world and that little person is part you and part of your husband. The little person has ten fingers and ten toes and fingerprints and tiny little fingernails! She was right. She wasn't awake for it all. I don't know if that was a result of the chloroform or whatever they used on women back then, but...to only focus on the pain and the sacrifice means she missed out on much that was good. The awakening she had seemed to close her off to that possibility.

This all puts me in mind of Virgina Woolf's "A Room of One's Own." Right now, I am home alone. I have been home alone all day, trying to get rid of a sinus headache. I'm supposed to be grading papers. Oops. It is amazing how much of a difference it makes to have some time to myself. Right now I am feeling the ebb and flow of teaching: good moments in the classroom vs. weekend hours spent grading papers!

Second seminar-- 9/12

At the beginning of the second seminar, I asked students to take out their seminar papers and their textbooks and open to the text. I also asked if they would like me to interrupt if they strayed off topic or allow them to handle it themselves; they said they would prefer to be gently guided back to topic. This reminder and discussion at the front end seemed to emphasize the importance of both staying on topic and remaining close to the text. They succeeded on both accounts and made very good connections and observations. It was wonderful to observe, and again I am amazed at what students are capable of if given the opportunity to shine on their own without constant hovering.

Denise and I had talked about the last seminar debriefing and decided it was just plain awakward. Students talked around things and ended up dwelling on topics a little removed from the text's main points with one student trying his darnedest (is that a word?) to get them to see what they were doing. We decided a big part of the problem was the awkwardness of the large group size (20) and how that made some students hesitant to talk and other students all too willing to fill the void. We discussed and determined it was important to us to have students spend some time in individual writing (that did not go well, but I think it was because Denise and I created some sort of a distraction...perhaps just me. I don't specifically recall what happened). Then we asked students to break into their clans and get with a clan they had not been with at 8 a.m. Then, the two small clans together would have to share with each other the highlights of what happened in their seminars. This was ideally what we wanted to happen last time too. Instead, it actually happened this time.

But something unanticipated happened too. Two clans took too much pride in what they had accomplished in seminar and seemed to battle it out over who had the "right" approach. The funny thing is at 9 a.m. when Denise and I got together, we talked about how our different groups had done and bragged on each one a bit to talk about what they had talked about. We were pleased with the different topics covered and thought that sharing all of that would give students more to talk about. We never dreamt it would be divisive!

It's kind of like when two kids fight over who loves mommy more. On the one hand, the mom is upset because they are fighting. On the other, she's pleased that she's loved enough to be fought over. I'm glad that the students are taking pride in what they accomplish in seminars. I'm exceedingly glad with what they are actually learning and the connections they are making in the seminars. The next task is to try to get that to transfer over to the paper writing.

Movie: Zodiac

What an interesting movie! It's dark, but that's to be expected from a movie about a serial killer. What surprised me was the humor. It's not laugh-out-loud funny, but there are little moments sprinkled throughout that make you go, "Heh." There was one part where a guy has been contacted by the killer and he tells the police the Zodiac kept calling but never left a number, and the policeman responded, 'Yeah, he's kind of crafty like that." What's interesting to me is at first I thought it was kind of strange that there was so much humor, but then I got to thinking how real it is that the humor is there...because that's what we do in situations like those. In order to persevere, we use humor to lighten the mood and make it seem like it isn't as bad as it is.

The whole movie is a great study in realism. It's about a serial killer, but what it is really about is obsession with the serial killer and one man's pursuit of the guy. The direction is fantastic. At first I was a little dismayed by how long the movie is, but the length helps reinforce how much time went by without the Zodiac being captured. That element of time is necessary for us to come to the same conclusions that the people in the movie are coming to. The whole thing was very artfully crafted for very particular reasons and to create a certain affect.

So many movies are done a little haphazardly. There's a lack of connection in the plotline and the characters seem to do things in a random way. Not so here. The big difference is the amount of detail used. The writers and the director seemed to intentionally go for substance over using tried and true strategies. I noticed they didn't over-rely on certain shots and soundtrack and things like that. Don't get me wrong, they did very artful shots and also had a soundtrack, but they didn't use it like so many others do. It wasn't there as a shortcut; it was there for a reason. They didn't always play the "the killer is coming" music. They didn't stage those cheesy "dunt dunt dunhnh" moments all the time, so when those moments actually came, they were more significant. I got chills, honest-to-goodness-full-body-goosebumps. Twice! That only happened because I was so fully sucked into the story and what had happened. I was invested in it. I felt like I was viewing it all happen first person. The story was mine.

There's a message here for writers too. All of this stuff with intentional movie-making and how this impacted me is true for good writing. Don't rely on cliches. Don't do the tried and true stuff all the time or it will become cliched. Go for substance and take your time. Get the reader to care. The details in this movie paid off. They are what allowed me to experience it as it happened. One example here. There are multiple scenes that happen where the cartoonist and the newspaper reporter have desks. I have no idea what the San Francisco Chronicle work area looked like in the late sixties and early seventies. No idea. But in this movie, there was a huge room, the size of a school cafeteria, and it had fifty desks in it, all cluttered with paper and the debris of working. I didn't look at each desk, but I'd venture a guess that each one was slightly different in terms of how much clutter and personalization. The movie-makers didn't have to go to that effort. How many people actually look at a desk that is fifteen rows from the main desk where the two characters are talking? Probably none. But...rather than have the set be a smaller area with just enough detail for them to shoot the two characters around one desk, the movie-makers went through the effort of constructing the whole room and each individual desk with its own clutter. That's what makes it real. I believe that is what the SF Chronicle area looked like during that time period. That belief and that trust allow me to believe all of the rest of it.

First Official Seminar Day

Now listening to: The Who's "Who Are You?"
This is actually learning community related. Denise and I chose our title for the learning community class we'll do next semester. Our current one isn't truly indicative of what the class is, so we've changed to "Who Are You?" as the beginning of the title. The subtitle is yet to be determined, but the main title led us to talk about the song, so I played it, got it stuck in my head (not a bad thing) and then am now re-playing it as I blog.

First Seminar
I am so happy today was a seminar day. I had an awful discussion with someone yesterday about how much work I feel like I am doing, so it was nice to have a day where students really put forth good effort and truly appeared to learn something good.

The seminar that I observed had just 8 students in it because two were absent. It went really well. Technically, I am supposed to just sit back and watch them discuss without interferring with my "teacherly" presence. I've always found this hard to do. It wasn't as difficult today because the students were having a good discussion on their own and did not need me. In earlier times when I have "interfered" I realize that they needed to learn that they did not need me. At the same time, I think students should be able to look to the teacher for some guidance as needed. I guess this could get into a semantic discussion of when it is really needed; that's a tough call to make.

Anyway, I did decide to interrupt at one point. I feel like I ought to slap my hand and say, "bad, bad Nicole, don't interrupt students' discussion." The students were talking about something that had a point, but the point was getting further and further distanced from the text. The point that was being made is actually something we're going to discuss at length in later seminars, so it was good to see that students wanted to go there, but for the time being, I felt it prudent to redirect them to the text and the topic for today. I also felt the need to do this during seminar debriefing later in the day. I feel like some students see this as a teacher interruption while others are grateful for the redirection. Again, a tough call to make.

Also on the topic of interruptions-- this one does actually call for a "bad, bad Nicole" moment. I participated in discussion near the end of the seminar because I just wanted to so badly. It was an intrusion. Again, students didn't seem to mind. It is just so hard to stay out of it. This is something I will need to get used to. Denise was good; she admitted to wanting to talk several times but not doing it, so students could all have their say. I have this problem in general conversation with just about everybody. I so badly want to say what I want to say that I sometimes do it despite there being no real need for me to put my two cents in right then.

Teacher-conversations
I have noticed conversations among people who teach are really strange in their dynamics. Most of the time a more assertive teacher personality will dominate the conversation for a long chunk of time, at the end of which, the other teacher will kind of say, "Yeah, well, and put forth an opinion." Some of the times the opinion relates, but most often it responds to something that was said about half-way through the "conversation." What's really funny is to watch two strong-willed teachers talk to one another. It's not a real conversation. Instead, it is one person expounding his views for 2 minutes and then the next person expounding her views for 2 minutes and then when it goes back to the original person, he picks up where he left off and then so on and so forth. There's a real lack of connection of ideas. What's sad is it's these people who are leading discussions in class. I tend to think of it as the Oprah phenomenon. Ever notice how Oprah feels she is so much more interesting than her guests that she always feels the need to pipe up with her view of things or her experiences? I mean, she has a point; her name is the one on the show....but I rarely watch because I keep thinking, "Sheesh. Let the man or woman talk!" It is moments like these when I really feel I ought to slap my hand and say "bad, bad Nicole" because I know it's hipocritical of me to say that of Oprah when I do it in my classroom or in conversation. But I also remind myself that I'm not paid millions of dollars. It now becomes obvious that I even interrupt myself in order to get my other perspective in.

Before I have yet another conversation with myself here, I'll wrap it up. Suffice it to say...Seminar-- good. I look forward to doing them throughout the semester. I will attempt to sit further away from the students for the next one. Maybe that will help eliminate interruptions. I did enjoy what the students were saying about the text and am really pleased with their group dynamics. It makes me curious to read their papers.

Fishbowls and ampitheatres

Learning Community:
We had a "fishbowl" yesterday. Half of the students sat in an inner circle and discussed an assigned reading while the other half sat outside and observed the brouhaha (I love that word; melee could've worked too). We did one at 8 a.m. and then the students swapped places for another one at 10:00. Dianna came to observe the 8 a.m. one (and mentioned it in her blog, cool!). It went really, really well. The 10:00 one was a little rougher because it was about a short story, but still Denise and I were really pleased with what the students discussed. The general concept of seminars takes some warming up to, so it was good to see the students so willing to jump right in and give it a try. Our true seminars begin tomorrow.

It's so funny. All of the Learning Community teachers keep bumping into each other in the halls and it's like we're all in on some secret the way we look at each other and raise our eyebrows-- like, "How's it going? Have you seminared yet?" We feel like the cool teachers because we're having fun with our classes. Ok, I'm struggling a bit with the term "cool teachers" because it doesn't imply what I want it to, but any explanation I would give here would come off like trying to explain why a joke is funny, and it just wouldn't work.

102 on-line
Well, the 102 on-line class is off and running. I have the worst trouble with the first two weeks of the on-line courses. Students who are not used to WebCT need some time to process how to use it and just plain ole get signed into the course. Then, I asked them to get started using blogs too and start getting to know one another for groups and gave them their first assignment sheet for the Google Project #1. It's alot to deal with all at once. I think we have success though: I have not been bombarded with questions, but the questions that have been asked have been thoughtful. This means they are not overwhelmed with confusion by how I have things set up and are not afraid to ask questions when they have them. This really truly is the mark of a successful first week for an on-line course.

102 traditional
I like the group of students in the 102 class at 2:00. I think I just enjoy 2:00 classes period. (With the exception of the ADHD "wish I had duct tape" 2:00 class from Fall 2006. If any of you are reading this post, you know what I'm talking about!) Anyway, I'm teaching in two different classrooms for this class. On Tuesdays, we're in the computer lab-- I'm used to it. The summer 102 class was in the exact same room. On Thursdays though, we're in 1200. This room is usually used for music classes. It's a mini-ampitheatre, so the students are all in those chairs that have the flip-up tiny desks and they all look down to me. There's also a huge projection screen behind me. I knew all of this when I signed up for the class. What I didn't know was that the music people use Macs! I've never used a Mac before. I didn't even know where to start. There's nothing on the screen initially. Apparently, there's a secret navigation bar at the bottom of the screen. Luckily, I am not averse to asking my students for help with technology. Unfortunately, this Mac in particular only has Safari (never heard of it) which is not up and running with Google Documents yet, so my failsafe Plan B mode of getting to important documents is not failsafe after all...but wait, the lovely Helpdesk people have installed Mozilla Firefox now, so life is good.

The funniest thing about the ampitheatre room, though, is it has a piano in it. This is really childish and immature of me, but I can't help but think of a scene from a movie I really haven't even seen: The Fabulous Baker Boys. Anyway, all I remember is Michelle Pfeiffer singing from atop the piano. I didn't do that. (A. I don't look like Michelle Pfeiffer, B. I do not sing in public. Ever.) I did, however, play chopsticks-- the students dared me to. This just returns to what I was saying about 2:00 students. 2:00 students offer me licorice and dare me to play chopsticks. 8:00 students don't do that. 8:00 students are rule followers because they are still waking up or are type A students.

Harry Potter 5: the movie

I know, I know...more Harry Potter??? yes, more Harry Potter.

My son asked if he could have a date with his babysitter (he doesn't understand the whole concept-- he just wanted to spend time playing with Carly), so my husband and I obliged by going on a date to (finally) see the fifth Harry Potter movie.

I must say my enjoyment of the movies would vastly improve if they were able to bring the first Dumbledore actor back from the dead. As this is impossible, would it be too much to ask that the current actor not wear pajamas and a bizarre beard tassle with a flat nightcap??? Kevin and I spent a portion of the movie bellyaching about how wrong Dumbledore's portrayal was. Another portion of the movie was spent watching the girls in the row next to us. They had not read the books and were gasping and shrieking at any appearance of Voldemort (who is just not very scary to me compared to my mental image when I read the book).

While writing this, it has occured to me that most of my HP thoughts are directly impacted by the first HP movie. I love the Dumbledore in that movie. The Voldemort that comes out of Quirrell's head is also how I picture Voldemort most of the time. Creepy. Flat-faced. Red-eyed. Somehow when an actual man is playing him all I can think is, "Wow. Being bald and pale really makes Ralph Fiennes' ears stick out. I can't believe this is the man who looks so good in The Avengers. Is it just me or does Harry look unbelievably short when next to Ron and Hermione?" See, these are not thoughts that occur to me when I read the book. Ah, but you don't want to read a post on how the movie never lives up to my mental image of the book, do you?

Long story short on the movie: cool fight scene at the end, Luna was fantastic!, Fred and George's moment could've been bigger, I miss Quiddich and Ron's big moment, Umbridge stole every scene she was in (some could've been shortened or eliminated to make room for some non-villainous character). All in all it was okay.

Oh, I just remembered something important to me about book 5. My favorite moment in the whole darn book (and it's a pretty long book) is when Dumbledore does his disappearing act from his office and Phineas Nigellus says something like, "Say what you will about Dumbledore, the man's got style" in his highly sarcastic Snapish voice (as I hear it anyway). This wonderful moment was ruined by having Kingsley Shacklebolt say it instead...a Kingsley who was horribly mis-cast. I've always pictured Kingsley to look like Samuel L. Jackson as Windoo from Star Wars. He's supposed to be cool, not remind me of my World Lit prof (Dr. Kashama).

Quote for the Day

I added a new quote to my quote wall in my office and thought I should share it with everyone.



from the episode "Humbug" from the show The X-Files (which I was once addicted to):



Mulder has just asked the manager of his hotel (in a circus town) who happens to be, um, height challenged?, whether or not he has ever worked in a circus.

MULDER: I'm sorry, I meant no offense.

NUTT: Well, then why should I take offense? Just because it's human nature to make instantaneous judgements of others based solely upon their physical appearances? Why, I've done the same thing to you, for example. I've taken in your All-American features, your dour demeanor, your unimaginative necktie design and concluded that you work for the government. An F. B. I. agent. But do you see the tragedy here? I have mistakenly reduced you to a stereotype. A caricature. Instead of regarding you as a specific, unique individual.

MULDER: But I am an F. B. I. agent.

First week of class

I cannot believe it is only Wednesday. It is only Wednesday, right? It feels like it should be the second week of class already. I have been so busy that it really feels like more than just 2 1/2 days have gone by.

Learning community: The first two classes of the Learning Community course have gone well. It's exciting to see students getting to know each other already. The only problem is apparently one student didn't realize the courses were linked and she has not come to the first two 8 a.m. classes, but we hope to get that resolved today. It's invigorating to be able to feed off the literature course and have students use it to link their writing thoughts to, but it is also draining because everything takes more planning. Everything that I used to do on my own I now also discuss with Denise. This is good because this kind of partnership means we get double the great ideas and the students benefit from the connection of the courses, but it also means that I am doing more work or more communication than I did before and I'm also thinking about one more class (even though I'm not teaching it, it's in the back of my mind there someplace).

On-line 102 course: It's hard to tell how any on-line course is going just by looking at the first week. To be quite honest, I'm not even sure if everyone has gotten into the class yet. I don't think I'll be able to know that until I put a grade in the gradebook. I haven't gotten used to WebCT6 yet. At any rate, the students who have done the self-registration and gotten as far as the discussion board seem excited and they all seem well-disciplined for the most part. That seems to be the one quality that really separates on-line students from more traditional students: the on-line ones seem to be so adept at balancing multiple commitments. Many of them work and have families and take multiple classes, and what's more, they seem to be good at it. The other thing I've noticed is so far there are no guys in the class that I am aware of. There are a couple of male names on my roster for the course, but so far only females have posted to the discussion board. We'll see what it looks like by the end of the week.

Traditional 102 class: Wow, by the end of the day yesterday, I really felt like I had run a marathon. I kind of had (well, for me anyway). I dropped off the printing for this class at 1:00 at the printshop, which is in the basement. Then I went up to the second floor English area to eat lunch because the print shop said it would take a while and there are no tables on the first floor at this end of the building. I chatted with Denise and Tess while eating and then had an idea (long story, won't go over it here). I ended up chasing that idea a little bit and then remembered I had to finish my lunch and get my printing still. This was at 1:45. I then went down to the basement for the printing, remembered I didn't have my roster, went up to the second floor to tell a student I was here and would be back to the classroom by 2:00 and hauled my butt all the way down to the 2000 area to my office to get the roster and books and a bottle of water. I hit the restroom on the way and managed to get back to the classroom before the other teacher had left. My students were all hovering in the halls waiting for the other teacher to stop talking. It was 5 til 2:00, so I just said, "We can all go in." It was a good thing too, as Chad (the other teacher) had a class at 2:00 that he had to get to and my arrival made it easier for him to wrap up conversation and get out of there. This long story is all to say that I was tired. But oddly hyper. Somehow knowing it is the last class of a long day infuses me with energy I didn't think I had. Also, I figure everyone else is tired too so I make a greater effort to be energetic so they don't drift off. But I think they all ended up thinking I was strange...which is okay. Two of them have had me in class before and already know I can be strange sometimes. : )

The 005 classes: For the first time ever, I decided to have students set the policies for the class. I've been thinking about doing this ever since taking the class on Paulo Freire's Pedagogy of the Oppressed, which is all about how Freire used intrinsic motivation to teach illiterate adults in Brazil how to read so they could get the ability to vote and impact their futures more. All the research on learner-centered teaching says that students who are given choices are more invested in the class and learn more authentically than the traditional spoon-feeding kind of way of teaching. What I know from experience and what the research doesn't spell out as clearly is sometimes it goes smoothly and sometimes it does not. Even Freire says that sometimes students are resistant to this because they would rather stay with what is comfortable. Anyway, the 8 a.m. class was into it at first and really seemed to appreciate the fact that they were being included in the decision making process. Then I think it started to drag on a little because there was too much to decide. The 11:00 class had a couple of good participaters and then a whole bunch of quiet people. There was a good discussion about what constitutes success in a class (is is mere attendance or doing the work, can you succeed without attending, etc). I think we were all saying very similar things but in different enough ways that it looked like we were disagreeing with each other, when in fact, we were just sharing different perspectives of the same thing. The 8 a.m. class ended up with actual rules that need to be adhered to while the 11 a.m. class ended up with one rule that is meant to cover all behavioral aspects of the course.
8:00: 4 absences, 4 tardies allowed with penalties after the 4 tardies have been used. Late work policy of half credit on anything late.
11:00: must maintain a 75% in the class. If the student slips below, there's a probationary period before I have the ability to drop them at my discretion. Daily grades will be taken, so attendance isn't mandatory, but it will be hard to maintain a good grade without being in class regularly.


I just figured out why I'm so tired. I have been doing more work than usual this beginning of the semester. I usually just go to class, read through the syllabus and call it a day on the first days. This getting to know you and determining rules stuff takes so much more time and effort. We'll see how it goes as the semester goes on. But for now, I could really use a nap. Of course, I can't take one because I do have a bunch of work to get to still : (

Harry Potter Book 7 Post

Kevin and I finally finished the Harry Potter series. I am going to post my thoughts on it below in a manner that will be hidden unless you highlight the text box. I want to allow anyone who has not read the books to be able to enjoy the books' unfoldings as much as I have.

To read what I have written, well, you could try flicking your wrist and saying, "Revelio," but as I have explained to my husband as he has tried "Scourgify" on our kitchen, you are probably not a witch or a wizard with a wand and, psst, Harry Potter isn't real...but anyhow, the text is just the same color as the background, so selecting it should be all you have to do to read it.

I was wrong about some things and absolutely right about the Lord of the Rings link. In fact, I didn't realize how right I would be. The whole horcrux against the skin making Ron, Hermione and Harry cranky was enough to have my husband and I saying, "my precious." It was also too ring-like when it seemed to possess Ron there for a moment.

Things that please me about the seventh book:
--the structure of it. It still maintains the time structure of the originals despite the fact that Harry is not at Hogwarts. Christmas break falls right in the middle of the book, and, as in the earlier books, something significant happens right in the middle and the end builds quickly with much happening all at once at the very end.
--Harry felt like an old friend. It was nice to see how much he had matured in this book, and yet because of the earlier books, this maturation was completely believable and even expected. He didn't have the wonder of earlier books nor the whininess of book 5 or the obstinance of book 6. He was "just plain Harry" again in mood, though definitely not just plain Harry in terms of readiness to complete his quest.
--I dig the whole Lord of the Rings vibe. The three of them were definitely on a quest pursued by vile things and unaware of what would pop up around any corner. They also knew they were heading to a necessary but evil showdown and were trying to remain under the radar as long as possible. Their loneliness and worry about friends and family members was very poignant too.
--I love the Gringotts part. It kept me guessing the whole time. I thought for sure that one of the Gryffindors would end up with the sword before leaving the vault though. The dragon was brilliant (or mad, as Kevin keeps reminding me)! I also thought the dragon would conveniently place them on the mountainside where they would meet up with Hagrid and Grawp.
-- I love that I could come up with all kinds of plausible possibilities for the plot and that some of them came true and others didn't. This is one of the signs of good writing to me: these characters are real enough to me that I can see what kinds of things they would do but also the plot workings are deep enough that they are not entirely predictable.
--the characters important to me all had their own parts to play in this book:
Neville- This is probably the most important. Neville, the boy who could have been The Boy Who Lived, had to have his own part in it. I love that he continued the DA and that it was he who slayed the snake with the sword. It was particularly touching to me that Gran was finally very proud of him with good reason. No bumbling crazylegs moments in this book for Neville. Just bravery and valiance.
Dobby and the house-elves- In order to do Hermione proud, the house-elves had to do their part. Kreacher certainly proved useful, though in keeping with character, he was doing it for Master Regulus. I thought the Death Eaters would get ahold of him and read the note in the locket, but it's good that that did not happen. Dobby, oh sweet Dobby. I have to admit that at first I was annoyed by Dobby in the way that Jar Jar Binks annoys. Perhaps it is meant to be this way as Harry himself is annoyed by him initially. After all, it is Dobby who gets Harry in a heap of trouble in book 2...but by the time Dobby is picking up hats left by Hermione, well, I guess he kind of grew on me. His death had me wishing someone would avenge him by finally getting rid of Bellatrix.
She who killed Bellatrix Lestrange- I had initially hoped that Neville would off Bellatrix in order to avenge his parents' torture by her, but Neville just would not have the wrath to do it properly. Then, Tonks seemed a likely choice to avenge Sirius' death and because Bellatrix had it in for her since Tonks' werewolf marriage. But, the best and most unexpected of all, Mrs. Weasley, had the pleasure. Nothing was more believable to me than Molly Weasely protecting her youngest and only daughter. The Weasleys had long known Molly's power and dangerous fury when provoked; it was great for the evil side to taste it too.
Hagrid- I had rather hoped that Hagrid would have had a larger role to play in this (no pun intended). I did, however, find it fitting that he carried Harry in the end. The protection of Aragog's progeny was rather unreal to me, but I see that it had the plot-point of getting Hagrid into the forest in order to watch Harry and Voldemort's showdown. I guess he was partially right about the spiders, though, considering they did not immediately kill and eat him, though they may have been arguing about who would get to do it...but I digress. Hagrid carrying Harry was perfect because it is reminiscent of other moments: Hagrid was the one to carry Harry from the wreckage of his house to safe delivery at his uncle's house and Hagrid also carried Dumbledore's dead body. He is and has always been the Hogwarts' caretaker and that was certainly embodied in one of his last acts in the series.
Dumbledore- Though he did not reappear in the manner I expected him to, in a way he did. The backlash against Dumbledore was completely believable as that happens so often with other powerful figures or celebrities after their deaths. The whole thing with Ariana, Aberforth and Grindelwald was interesting. I had thought that Ariana was a werewolf, but was of course incorrect. The mystery surrounding Ariana made it so I didn't give Aberforth a second thought, though I did suspect him of being the thief, which leads me to the next thing I love...
--Everything regarding the minor mysteries of the plot was incredibly well-connected. This last book really was a "tying together" of loose-ends while it also brought up interesting new subplots and realized the old ones in such believable and not completely predictable ways. As I read, I kept thinking, "I can't believe Rowling's pulling this off, and so well too!"

Things I was not so pleased with:
--The Ministry of Magic part: first of all, it makes Ron look like a real doof. Really, the whole part illuminates each character's shortcomings: Ron doesn't know as much or think quickly under pressure, Hermione (who does both of those things very well) is very nervous and must always have a plan and have things go according to plan, Harry is too hotheaded and impulsive for his own good sometimes. These qualities end up working out for each of them in the end of this section (Ron was transformed into someone who was a doof, so he was actually in character, Hermione's nervousness made it so she was swept away to be with Umbridge all day, and Harry's rash behavior spurred them into action and got them the locket in the end. I do admit that this part worked out in the end, but I just didn't like it very much...not that I have to like every moment of every book; some parts are not supposed to be enjoyed in the lah-di-dah life-is-good kind of way.
--Fred and George: I realized long ago that these somewhat favorite characters of mine were unfortunately expendable. That George got his ear blasted off early in should have been an indication to me that they would not both survive. This may sound really strange, but I can't help but think if Rowling killed off one, then she should have killed off both. The worst part of it all to me is not that Fred is dead but that George has to go on living without him. That, and he's stuck with Percy as poor consolation. In the words of Fred, or was it George?, "Stupid prat."
--Bathilda Bagshot: A snake (a snake possessed by Voldemort no less) is inhabiting Bagshot's dead body that is, by the way, decaying and has been for some time and Harry doesn't suspect anything???? I mean, I know she was called "batty" by people, but come on! there's a difference between just plain ole batty and then cold and non-responsive albeit oddly still walking and also stinking to high heavens! And Hermione lets him go upstairs with him alone!?!
--The epilogue: I understand the book needs to be wrapped up with some indication of what happens to Harry in the future, but it was all just a little too hokey for me. Okay, I could see Harry and Ginny ending up together and Ron and Hermione too, and yes, Harry and Ginny would probably name their kids after people who were significant in their lives, but...it was just too 1950's to me. Too ideal. Too picture perfect. As I said in my earlier post about the seventh book, I expected some kind of strife at the end. Harry is a good guy and loved and all that, but he is now not just The Boy Who Lived but now The Guy Who Saved the World from the Worst Evil in the World (somehow not as catchy). Surely, life is not easy and peachy keen for this new Harry. Surely people stare more than ever and ask for his autograph. Surely he would at least live amongst Muggles where he could possibly live a somewhat normal life.

Okay, this could not possibly sum up everything I feel about the whole darn book and all seven books for that matter, but it is a start.

countdown to the Fall semester

Well, grades are due on Monday by noon. I have one remaining paper to grade and then two remaining finals to grade. And I am calling it quits for today. I have already graded several from each category and do not want the last student to have a grade affected by my blah mood. On the upside, I figure I will be finished well before the deadline.

I looked at the registration numbers last week. The Learning Community class has 11 students signed up, so it will definitely make. All of the other morning 101 classes are closed, so there's still the chance that more students will enroll because of limited options. My internet 102 class has been closed for some time, and now students are calling me for closed class cards. I gave two; that's my limit. I even have one closed 005 class. The other two classes of mine have a couple of students in them. Everything's looking pretty good for Fall.

Pretty soon, I'll have to dig into preparing my WebCT course, something I generally avoid until the last moment.

This is a thoroughly boring blog entry. I find myself obsessed with counting things down when I get to the end of a semester. I once calculated approximately how many pages I would have to read in order to grade all of my ENGl 101 portfolios. I will never make that mistake again. Too depressing!

I guess the moral of this blog entry is I have finally learned enough from past mistakes to portion my time out okay enough to be finished grading at least a day or two before the deadline. I will not be staying up until 2 a.m. and then dragging my tired butt up to campus Monday morning....well, I will be dragging myself up to campus on Monday morning to turn them in still, but if I'm dead tired it's because of reading Harry Potter.

This entry really should be the countdown to getting to read book 7!

Harry Potter post-- do not read unless you have read all 6 books

Ok. Be forewarned: these are my thoughts (not all of them) about Harry Potter and what may happen in the seventh book. Do not read any further unless you have read all 6 books. Oh, and there will be Lord of the Rings spoilers too, so if you intend to read or watch that series and heven't yet, you should stop reading too.

I've heard all kinds of decent theories about book seven. The most curious one I've heard about the ending of book 6 is that Dumbledore wasn't really Dumbledore through the whole book. He may have been Peter Pettigrew or Moody. The theory behind this (and this theory came from my friend Kamra; I cannot take responsibility for it) is that Dumbledore hand was damaged in so weird of a way that he may have been someone else who had no hand trying to be him and the potion didn't allow him to be a full Dumbledore because of the hand. I don't know about this. I don't think either person would have behaved to Harry in the way that Dumbledore did all through book 6, but I do agree that something was up with Dumbledore. Something that bugs me is that in book 5, everytime Harry sees Dumbledore, he has this Voldemort-like hate rise up in him. This just spontaneously goes away in book 6 despite the fact that Harry appears to be no better at occlumency....though I did notice this also appears to go away in the end of book 5 too...I'm not to the end of my book 5 re-read, so I don't have any clever theories about this. It just strikes me as either sloppy writing or important fact.

Returning to the Peter Pettigrew theory, I do think he's going to be important to book 7. There seemed to be a "you'll be happy he didn't die" vibe in book 3 and hints that Pettigrew will do Harry a favor. I don't think merely suggesting there's no reason to kill Harry (as done in book 4) is enough of a favor to fulfill this vibe.

Here's my one big contribution to the whole Harry Potter theory building: Rowling seems to be a huge Tolkien fan, probably a big English mythology fan in general, but definitely a Tolkien follower. It just so happens that I see very few movies each year and for a while there, the only movies I was seeing were Lord of the Rings movies and Harry Potter movies, and I noticed too many similarities. It started out small, like cave trolls appearing in both of the movies and then there was Aragog and (oh crud I forgot the name of the big spider outside Mordor that Gollom tries to have kill Frodo). Anyway, two huge cave trolls and two huge spiders and then there came the dementors, which, let's face it, are just ringwraiths after happiness instead of the ring.

So this is why I think Pettigrew will be of greater importance. Pettigrew is Gollum. For that matter, Ron is Sam...which would make him the hero if we follow this any further...but anyhow, that distracted me from my main idea...which is that Dumbledore is clearly Gandalf. Gandalf experienced that moment where he appeared to have sacrificed himself for the hobbits et al on their quest, and of course, it appears more than once that Dumbledore seems to be sacrificing himself for Harry's benefit. He's returned once already (he wasn't dead in book 5, so no big deal there), but I firmly believe he will return in book 7. Once quote that has always stood out to be as significant (but I didn;t realize how significant) is in book 1 when Dumbledore says, "I would trust Hagrid with my life." Come to think of it, Hagrid may end up being Sam here. ANyway, it is just too much of a coincidence to me that Dumbledore says that very pointedly and it is Hagrid who retrives his body from the base of the castle. Now Gandalf came back from the apparent dead having been to the end of the world and back and was then Gandalf the White. He was beyond time and seemed to be so much wiser that he had forgotten himself. I don't doubt that when Dumbledore returns he will be more than himself somehow. Because the other important thing is that Harry confront Voldemort ON HIS OWN. And that is why a small part of me would also be okay with Dumbledore being dead, because how else would Harry do things on his own if Dumbledore is not there? He needs that catalyst to make him into a fully fledged hero of his own, as he has been growing into that through all 6 books.

We all know that love will be part of the answer. That's apparent from the end of every single book. The thing that gets me about the Lord of the Rings ending (the real book ending, not the movie one) is that Frodo was irreparably damaged by his time with the ring. He would never be able to be fully hobbit-like for the rest of his life and did not feel like he belonged there. There cannot be a fully happy ending for Harry because he'll either have to have done the Voldemort killing or he'll not survive. Some people have theorized that Harry is a horcrux himself, but I think that is absolute balogney. Horcruxes have to be created intentionally (otherwise many horcruxes would have been made when Voldemort's death-eaters were killing people) and Voldemort did not know that Harry would survive.

Snape is the character I cannot figure out. He's the big mystery to me. I think he's actually a mystery to himself too and that's why he's so grumpy. I think he's continually torn. For Dumbledore to trust him, there must be some "love thing" involved somehow. The easiest guess is that Snape loved Lily and that is why he protects Harry and dislikes Harry at the same time, because Harry reminds him of the two people he loves and hates most. Snape is smart or he couldn't be misunderstood as much as he is. Which makes me think that he must trust Dumbledore over Voldemort...because that's the smart thing to do. Which implies that the two of them devised a way to kill Dumbledore without killing Dumbledore and Snape is playing a very dangerous game. He's also very self-serving and not un-prone to childish tantrums (as in book 5)...so anyway, that is why I struggle the most when coming up with theories about Snape.

People keep wondering about whether Harry will live or die. To me, a bigger question is will Snape end up good or bad and what has he been playing at this whole time? He could be just egotistical enough that he could be doing what the Lord of the Rings book had Sarumon doing. In the books, Sauron was the big evil one and Sarumon was a good guy who went bad when he thought he too could have the most power. In the end he went down when the ancient tree-herders ruined his world. I don't know how that applies.

I also really hope (but doubt) that Fred and George have a cool role to play in the seventh book. I suspect they'll be like Merry and Pippen and just be used for comic relief again when the bad stuff is all over.

Anyway...I gotta wrap this up. But I wanted to get some of my thoughts out there before book 7 comes out and people read it. This way, on the off chance any of my theorizing relates, I can say "I told you!" and people will believe I had the thought before reading book 7 instead of having them respond "yeah, right."

Oh....and I just have to say this right here. If any student reveals any details of book 7 to me before I have a chance to read it, I will seriously throw a conniption fit and hope they drop my class. Someone revealed the ending of book 5 to me before I read it and it messed up my reading experience.

She's Not There

When suffering from a horrible flu bug, I had the house to myself and didn't feel up to doing anything besides reading for enjoyment. I picked up She's Not There, one of the option for the Book Club reading. It's about a transgendered person who was a man who became a woman. I really didn't expect to like this book, but I actually enjoyed it. I don't read much in the way of non-fiction, so I'm always happily surprised when I end up enjoying it. I was able to read through it, start to finish, in probably 4 hours.

(Confession here. My original plan was to take the portable DVD player up to bed and watch X-Files on DVD, but I couldn't get it to play anything other than the first episode without the remote control, which my son had misplaced when he was pretending it was a spaceship or some Power Rangers thing, so I decided if I couldn't have X-Files, I would not settle for lesser entertainment, but would instead be productive and read something from the Learning Community class. Oh, and I should note that because I agreed I would not read ahead, I did not finish re-reading the fifth Harry Potter book without my husband. This took considerable moral fortitude here)

Back to She's Not There. The author is also a fiction writer, so he/she (? I thought of him as him for the first half to 2/3rds of the book and then as she for the later portion, what to call him or her now???) uses literary techniques in the writing. I guess since she was a she when she wrote the book, I'll refer to the author as "she" from here on out.

Parts of the book were funny and others heart-breaking.

One thing that I really found interesting about it is when she's in transition and taking hormones to become more female, she noticies herself doing all kinds of things she never thought she would, including qualities she has never liked in women she's known. The part that stands out the most to me is when she goes to The Gap to try on jeans as a woman. She says that for a man, shopping for jeans is no big deal. You go in the store, the measurements are what they are and there are maybe two choices of what kind of jeans to try on (relaxed or whatever). For women, the sizes do not match up to any known measurement in the universe and there are at least 6 different cuts of jeans to try on, each emphasizing certain areas of the body more or less. She found herself obsessing about which size she wanted to be. And she later did things like order the salad even though it wasn't really a salad she wanted to eat.

It made me feel better to know that some parts of being female can perhaps be blamed on the hormones or society's impact and not on my lack of common sense. Because I know the number that represents the size on my clothing does not represent me, and yet I find myself thinking I'll wait to go shopping for clothes until I can fit in a more desirable size. I have found myself purchasing a pair of pants in part because they fit and the tag still said the size I wanted it to say. I have passed up perfectly fine pairs of pants simply because the tag said something I didn't want it to say. This is particularly true of immediately post-pregnancy shopping.

This reminds me: I hate David's Bridal. A friend of mine asked me to be in her wedding (btw, this does have something to do with the previous chain of thought) and the bridesmaid dresses she chose were at David's. My son was around 7 months old at the time. This means that the immediate post-pregnancy weight was gone enough that I was proud of that and yet not so much that I was entirely happy with my whole body. My chest was also still huge. The lady helping me measured me and then brought me a 16 and an 18. I was wearing a size 12 at the time. Not good for the self-confidence. Then....then!...when I said something about it, she made a remark about how I should feel proud about the child I brought into the world. Let me tell you, when someone is making you spend over $150 on a dress you don't like in a size you definitely don't like in a color that makes you look abyssmal, do not insult them by implying pride in her child and body perception have anything to do with one another. A woman can be perfectly proud of her kids and still regret having stretchmarks.

On to another point of the author's. She talks about how (heterosexual) men are infatuated with breasts, enamoured of them, wouldn't-get-anything-accomplished-if-they-had-them kind of thing. (And I agree with this part of her point, as I have had similar talks with my male friends in college) Then she said when her male friends asked her about them once she had them, she said they were no big deal-- that they were just there-- and women do not give them any thought. I think this is not entirely true. We do not think of them in the way that men do and do not care about them in the way that men do, but I think women do think about them. I had a small 101 class last semester that was breast-obsessed, and it was an overwhelmingly female class. The girls kept bringing the topic up (btw, the guys thought it was funny and didn't mind one bit-- that was a very open class). I think women feel they get stereotyped based on breast-size and therefore think about them more than they need to. In fact, the females talking about breasts and breast-size in that class were either rather small or really large chested. I think when on either end of the spectrum, women think about it even more.

Since I don't want to end this post while still writing about breasts, I will say that I think this book would be an excellent choice for any group for Book Club. It will be interesting to both genders, it's informative without being overly so (had to say I was a little worried about possibly getting too much information about the sex change, but needlessly so. When she's still a he, he talks about the night he lost his virginity, but not in a gross way. Luckily, she writes more about when the sex occured than the details of the sex acts themselves). What's truly fascinating is it gets you thinking about your identity and what part gender has to play in that. I think by the end, I was just really grateful that I feel content with my identity.

At one point, Boylan has a talk with one of her sons about how how she felt on the inside and how she looked on the outside didn't match up. I think that can be true of anyone at any time, but non-transgendered people just have more choice in the matter of how they will try to change their looks because it is just a matter of looks for them, a surface appearance kind of thing (the non-transgendered people, that is) and for transgendered people, it is an issue of the whole body itself.

Erasure

I'm in the middle of reading Erasure, a required book for the Lit class in the LC.

Wow! It's kind of hard to explain this, but I am really enjoying this book. I don't think the book is meant to be enjoyed in the regular sense of the word. It's not fun. It's not entertaining. It's not "laugh out loud" funny. But for me it is enjoyable because it is getting me to think about the issues it raises and to stretch my brain for the links to the other literature it refers to.

In some ways it has already reminded me of The Invisible Man, Native Son, Their Eyes Were Watching God, and Pale Fire. I don't want to talk about Erasure too much because I'd hate to spoil anything for the people who will read it, but that doesn't mean I can't talk about the other books!

I'm going to start with Pale Fire by Nabokov. Most people know Nabokov because he wrote Lolita. I have to admit: I have tried several times to read Lolita but have never gotten through it. The protagonist was way too twisted and unlikeable for me to get into it. Which leads to to Pale Fire. This is perhaps the strangest book I have ever read. It starts with an Introduction of sorts and then there is a long poem. After that is the notes section of the book. At first glance, it looks like this book will be about the poem. In reality, the book is the intro and the notes, which are not what you would expect at all. Nabokov creates a poet who writes the poem. Then he creates another character who writes the intro and the notes. If memory serves, his name was Kinbote, and he is an oddball. He worships the poet. He also believes in the existence of this other world that doesn't really exist (or does it?) and he makes the poem notes refer to this other world in their entirety. So there will be a line of the poem, something like "gray shoots through the fog of the car" (completely made up for example purpose here) and the number that indicates the note will direct you to a page about a hundred pages back, where you'll find pages upon pages of a note that have to do with this other place and only begin with some reference to the fog or the car.

Anyway, what does this have to do with Erasure? I'm not entirely sure myself. I'm just reminded of Pale Fire because of the book within the book and the idea of making characters who have their own little worlds out there in order for them to be fully realized characters. For someone to seem real, there has to be an immense backstory or the possibility of a backstory. Then it gets you thinking about what is real and how much of it is our perception of what's real compared to what is actually real.

Their Eyes Were Watching God is one of my favorite books. This is a slight digression here, but it's also one of Oprah's favorite books. Her reason is it's the "best love story ever" or something to that effect. I feel like that's really reducing the book to something frivolous, like a fluffy romance novel. The book is wonderful for its language. The beginnings and endings of the chapters are beautiful for their wording, images and meaning. Yet, they are also simple enough that the reader can almost miss the depth that is there. The parts in Erasure that are about fishing and woodworking are lesser versions of what I experience as a reader of Zora Neale Hurston's work.

Native Son and Invisible Man are clearly referenced in Erasure. At some point, I started writing, "Reminds me of Native Son" in the margins of my book. A little later, I wrote, "It is Native Son!" It's been years since I've read the book, but I think the structure of My Pafothology follows NS in a fairly straightforward way, diverting in order just on the point of the girlfriend (or baby momma in this case). At some point after My Pafology, Monk actually starts saying of himself, "I am invisible." As a lit scholar with the last name of Ellison, I would expect him to be very familiar with this book, so that one is a no-brainer. One big difference: I associate both books with winter and darkness, so it's kind of weird for me to have E set in California's sunshine.

This brings me to what is making the book fun for me and also making my head hurt and making me want to reread The Signifying Monkey by Henry Louis Gates, Jr. Erasure is obviously referring to venerable works of literature that also happen to be written by African-Americans. (Like the narrator, I hate that all books written by African-Americans get placed into a category of their own, and that's probably a discussion for another blog) Anyhow... This referencing of another work is generally labeled allusion when encountered in most canonical literature. Signifying is something similar but different...which is pretty near the best definition I can come up with of it in a short amount of space. Signifying involves alluding to or using the original but expanding on it and/or commenting on it by reusing it in a different or more involved way. It's like jazz that improvises from an already established piece of music. Yes, it is similar, yes it borrows from, but is it the same? no, not really. Do you have some of the same feelings and reflections you had with the other work? Yes, but more because you have those and the new.

I am not doing Gates' work justice at all here, but these are some of the things I'm thinking about while reading this book.